All posts by ruvth

stockholm

welcome back poopers, late sleepers, bored people of the world. 

I can summarize my days in stockholm into one post.

this was the saddest part of my trip because maria was no longer with me since she had to fly back home. the entire time I was with her I had so much fun because she is hilarious, patient and just a down ass bitch. that was strike one against sweden.

strike two was the fact that I had been in the mf heat for 2 weeks only to come to sweden where it was raining. I have the immune system of a toddler, so right away, BOOM, I got sick. wait, do toddlers have a weak immune system? when traveling remember to pack up your ibuprofen, aleve’s, tylenol’s, any type of meds or whatnot that you use in the u.s of a because chances are they don’t have them in these other places! in sweden you have to go to a pharmacy to buy ibuprofen. they also don’t have cold medicine because you’re apparently expected to suck it up and just deal with it, basically what my tourguide/friend while I was here told me. he thinks it’s a bit weird that we have dayquill, nightquil, etc.

strike three was the fact that they have no street art. I personally love seeing graffiti down alleyways, london has a lot of that, the street art in italy was poppin’, the street artists in paris were incredible too, so it was really disappointing to not see anyone out in the street painting, spray painting, etc. everything that was a piece of art was sold inside shops, it was all really proper. this whole place is a cookie cutter’s dream.  I want my parents to retire here because I know they will be incredibly safe and it dead ass just looks like a postcard.

while I was here I had some bombass tacos, who would have thought? SWEDEN? the place was called la neta and bitch they had al pastor, carnitas, suadero. I wanted carnitas, but they had sold out by the time I ate there. they also sold jarritos. this was one of the few times I felt back home. because let me be real, this place fucking depressed the shit out of me. I had never felt so alone. this was when I truly got home sick because I felt so out of place, but I will give props to stockholm because they were a bit more diverse than I had expected. the people who worked at la neta eran mexicanos, somos los mas chingones, obviamente. there was a girl who worked at tgi’s, that’s right, they have a tgi fridays, I missed american stuff so we went there and the hostess spoke spanish and was from colombia, I believe. and I caught bits of conversations of people speaking in spanish! so it was really cool to hear that.

something I liked about sweden is that they have this thing called fika where you take time out of your day to go, have coffee, eat your pastry at any point during the day. this was mine (on the right). the pastries were so freaking good. I don’t remember the name of this place 🙁 

so I guess the thing in sweden is their meatballs. meatballs for the people did not let me down. these were some magical lil balls of meat aksksksksks, but I’m a sucker for potatoes and these mashed potatoes/puree whateva you wanna call it, CHEF’S MF KISS! also the lingonberries were super good.  I think I got a cider. was probably good if I finished it. 

to finish this off, the only other time I truly felt at home was at this club that had a bollywood night. again, if you know my pervy ass, you know that this was heaven on earth for me. phlisha probably can attest to that as I was texting her the whole night I was there because I was dead. my soul left my body. the love of my life was there and I will never forget his gorgeous presence. rip to the loml. moment of silence.  the crowd there was fucking LIT. I needed all of them to come back with me to the bay area because they know how to party. they were so freaking hyped, and to be honest a lot of them weren’t even drinking! their music is amazing. overall, they’re amazing. 

please enjoy the rest of my pictures from my time here. stockholm, you are one gorgeous ass place, but you’re just not my cup of tea. however, you will see me again with my buds. thanks for reading all about my time abroad. I will come back soon, with … stories maybe not abroad but about me traveling within the u.s of a.

goodbye to xxxx

welcome back poopers, late sleeper and bored people of the world.

last week, my life changed. I am dramatic. soy dramatica, firma aqui.

if we’ve been friends for years, you’ve followed me on social media or if we met at this person’s concert, you know that this was out of left field. 

so last week, the artist that I viewed as my favorite. like, ride or die situation. y’all know, that one artist who’s back you have no matter what. except, this time, I didn’t have their back. i’m not gonna name them because even though only 2 people read this, what if they found it randomly because idk, IDK. and then they’ll victimize themselves, sue me for all $3 i have in my back account and get people to send me death threats.

if you read the post before this, I said that my previous job disillusioned me when it came to music. however, after much thought with this situation I realized that it was

a mix of that with a thing we call stan culture. mainly on twitter. they’re those fan accounts that go a little too hard sometimes. there’s super nice ones who just wanna vibe with their friends on the TL about the artists they like, but then there’s the ones who tell you to go kill yourself, look for your pictures on your account and roast you. honestly, it’s a really dark place.  and it’s all because you cannot have an opinion that goes against theirs about the artist of their choice. mainly, a lot of huge artists will have stan accounts that will defend them to the end. don’t get me wrong, I also defended this mf, for years, but not to the point where I would tell someone to go die, or go to their profile and send them hate and call them stupid. 

what really irked me about the situation with this particular artist is that I have met them on multiple occasions and they seemed really nice. seemed, there’s more to people than what comes across because I can act like i’m the nicest person in the world, but i’m a real bitch, ask phlisha. don’t sue me, phlisha lagioahgioa. 

they seemed nice, but if they really were, they would have handled this situation with more grace. the comment that was directed towards them was from a friend of mine. however, this person thought it was a good idea to reply to them and spinning it out to be this super negative thing and then all their fans jumped and came to their rescue. they made comments at my friend that weren’t cool at all. they tried to bring up the death of a different artist into this, which was contradictory because if they cared that much, they’d understand that all the hate they sent that day, wouldn’t align with the points they were trying to make. instead, of palliating the situation, this artist kept egging it on by making comments about themselves as if they were larger than life. which, sit down, you’re just like everyone else except with millions.

honestly, this whole thing made me sad because i’ve supported this person for YEARS. THEY TOOK YEARS from me, not to mention money and time.

I don’t understand why as an adult, because this isn’t some teen artist who doesn’t know any better, because I can assure you even they know better than to get their fanbase to send someone hate. I don’t understand why as an adult, they didn’t act like one, humble themselves down and address the comment differently.

to all this artists’ fans, who think they can’t go against their favorite . sit back and think about how they don’t address all of the nice comments all of you make towards them. they chose to address the one “hateful” comment to victimize themselves.  it was a comment that had a critique. also, to this grown ass person, your crew/workers have no business being so condescending to people just because you pay them. y’all are fucking weird.

thanks for all the music you made that I had the pleasure of listening to while I was your fan, all of the wonderful friends I made, all the cool shows I attended to support you, but you can keep all your worshippers . i’ma be chilling with my cat. i’m miffy’s #1 stan.

let me know who your favorite artist is, I need new suggestions!

my life as a former fangirl question mark

welcome back poopers, late sleeper and bored people of the world.

again, in no way shape or form am I a professional writer, blogger, etc, I do this for shits and giggles, okay? also, these views are my own so don’t come for my neck when you tell me this stuff isn’t true because it’s true for me.

ima take you back 10 years. no that’s too far. 8 years to when one direction was introduced into my life. the best times of my life tbh. let me know who your favorite member was. I started watching a lot of interviews, I started listening to a station and I thought, “that would be so cool to do for a living!” somehow we ended up at the station and I was able to see how on air stuff works and honestly, it seemed really neat. a couple of years later I got an internship there miraculously because when I first got interviewed they said I wouldn’t be a good fit because I was way too laid back and quiet. somehow though, I ended up getting chosen for the next batch of interns. 

that shit was wild, bro. so much stuff goes on behind the scenes and that’s when I realized I never wanted to be on air because I do be talking a lot, but not enough for how they 1) come up with stuff on the spot sometimes 2) come up with clever stuff to talk about during what they call “breaks” which is what you hear before or after a song is played 3) talking a lot and being friendly? 

while I did meet a lot of great people shoutout to… I don’t know if I should name him lmfao, but if you know me, you know how much I look up to this person. i’ll nickname him the goat because he’s super cool and important, but never lost the cool factor because he would always take time to hear me out about music and honestly, was the only person who supported my fangirling. he also helped me fulfill my photoshop dream of meeting louis tomlinson. remember the one direction thing? yeah, louis was my favorite. but so was harry. and zayn was first, but you know how the video diaries go and you realize who your real fav is. ANYWAY I AM GETTING SIDE TRACKED.

while I did meet a lot of great people, over time, I lost an interest in music. I’ve always loved music, but I feel like they sucked the fun out of things. I thought maybe it was because as I got older maybe I wasn’t supposed to fangirl, but no it’s because you were made to feel guilty by these people who are older and quite honestly, sorry, but didn’t know shit. the people who interned there were all young and knowledgeable of the artists who went in. naturally, you get excited about artists going in, but I felt like they always looked down on us for being excited? and it’s almost as if they didn’t even have faith in you to know that you WOULDN’T fangirl? what the fuck did your staff look like fangirling over people?  clearly, we knew better than to act this way because it was a professional environment, but the fact that they’d shut you down completely from being remotely excited was ridiculous. also, a lot of the men here and one woman in particular always painted this narrative that fangirls were just groupies. you couldn’t be excited about someone dropping an album and having them in the station because that automatically meant you wanted to sleep with them. they made fun of the girls who would line up hours early to catch a glimpse of their favorite artist because they said they were crazy and blah blah. sorry you’ve never been excited over things i guess???? but how shitty is that? the reason all of these people have jobs IS because of FANS. because they support, because they listen in to win these contests, because they talk to all these on air people. 

so as the years went by, it’s like my love for music and embracing my love for these artists died. except zedd, never dulled that sparkle as long as I was there, but I can bet you good money that people probably talked about how I wanted to suck his lights out. it makes me sad that they could never get a grip of the fact that there was more to loving these artists. some of these lyrics help people keep their day to day going. some of these artists having such amazing personalities, help people forget about what’s going on the world for just a minute. having concerts to go to is sometimes something people really get excited about because they actually have something to look forward to. not to mention the actual sensation of being there at a concert in the moment. you forget everything because you’re just there to vibe listening to this music live. ULTIMATELY NOT TO MENTION ALL THE FUCKING FRIENDS YOU MAKE BECAUSE OF MUSIC ARTISTS THAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON. there’s a lot that goes into supporting artists and I wish that during my time there it would have been an environment in which everyone would have been like the goat.

however, everything happens for a reason because it wasn’t all just negative stuff. I was able to do a bit of concert photography while I was there. I learned how to write blog posts, except yo, I lost my touch because the blogs we would write there were so pretty and pristine. I got to meet great people around my age group who worked there: I’m looking at you christian, big diaz, lanica because we bonded over music or something else. i also got to go to a lot of cool concerts thanks to the goat because he knew the struggle of being a broke ass bitch. I think my favorite thing over all was the fact that we would contribute even if it was just by setting up placards and setting up meet and greet areas, to some big shows that would go on and seeing how happy and excited everyone was to see their favorite artist. I was  jealous of them almost because I just didn’t get that feeling anymore. or who knows, maybe I never lost the fangirl in me, I just needed a break after all the overwhelming wave of weirdness I felt after working there. until recently because it’s been so many years and I just need to put my thoughts to rest once and for all. (also because alex jarvi, from sweden, who’s music I don’t understand because I don’t speak swedish, has made me excited)

I guess like in every relationship (it’s like i was in a relationship with my job because i was there for so many years), there are good things and there are bad things, but it helps you learn. I learned that I can’t be on air and that maybe I just hate adults even though I technically am one 🤔 and that apparently i’m just a hater. 

anyway, now that i’m not there anymore I can fangirl freely so if you are a fan of pop music, check out notd who are a swedish edm duo who make the pop music slaps. they really do be going off though, they used instruments during their set which was lit. also, they have good style. their artwork is pretty. you can find them almost anywhere like, spotify, apple music and youtube. they’re really cool, damn, I can’t fangirl online after all because I don’t know how to properly do it anymore. JUST KNOW THAT THEY GO OFF OKAY. LISTEN TO THEM! FOLLOW THEM! SUPPORT THEM!!!

 

comment your favorite member of one direction, your favorite one direction song, and your favorite artist at the moment

 

Sonia Valencia

today my post is inspired by anger and mix of emotions I have felt over the last couple of days so bear with me. mainly inspired by the fact that a news station tried to interview my mom and do an entire story on her, but she decided not to. and inspired by the shitty people of the world. however, she can’t stop me because THIS MY POST! sorry mama, I love you. also, in no way shape or form am I a professional writer so don’t fucking come for me if this was too poorly written for your taste. 

So a couple of weeks ago, my mom, Mrs. Sonia Valencia because she has a name so get it right. While yes, she is my mom,  she’s not just, “Ruth’s mom”, “my friend’s mom”, no, she is a whole ass person named Sonia who is an icon to me and I will let you know why. 

I don’t like talking about stuff that goes on in my life specifically because I think it’s weird and people are super invasive and use stuff against you to talk about you because I don’t know, people are freaking weird, okay?

My mom, Sonia, wait, she’d kill me if I referred to her by her first name, so yes, my mom. Her mom passed away when she was 6 and from then didn’t experience much of a childhood because she had to grow up quickly since there was no female figure that would look after them. My grandpa was amazing from what she tells me, but it’s not the same as having your mother still around and I think if you really sit back and think about your life and if you’re blessed with having an incredible mother, you will see how horrifying it might be to grow up without that figure your whole life. To not have someone to do your hair, to not have someone teach you how to cook, to not have anyone to talk to you about your period or boys, whatever the fuck, think about that. How much has your mom done for you if you’ve been blessed with an amazing figure in your life?

As my mom grew up, she learned how to sew, and my gosh what a fucking bad ass she is because this trade is actually what has been helping a ton of people right now because she’s decided that she will use this skill to make as many masks as she can and guess what? She doesn’t expect anything in fucking return because she wants to help people. So, she learns how to sew, does this for a living, eventually leaves a horrible situation in El Salvador to save her own life, moves to the U.S and still keeps on sewing. My mom actually embroidered jerseys for the 49ers the year that they won SuperBowl 29.

My mom is in the U.S and eventually meets my dad and then bam, I pop into the picture a couple of years later. I was a miracle child because my mom was on the older spectrum when she was pregnant with me. If you ever talk to my mom though, she will let you know that when she moved here, she asked God for a child because she felt alone because she had to leave my 3 oldest siblings behind due to again, a shitty domestic abuse situation and their father refused to give my mom custody of them unless she gave him half a million dollars. 

So there I was just vibing and when I was 4, my mom was pregnant again!  with my brother. Unfortunately, due to complications my brother passed away after being a day old. Since then, my dad decided he didn’t want my mom to work again so that she could raise me without having creepy babysitters or weird ass relatives that we don’t even have because it’s literally just the 3 of us. Imagine that, giving up your whole ass life to raise your kid. And she did it because she actually gives a shit about me. I’m not saying your moms don’t give a shit about you because everyone loves their kids differently, but my mom’s way of loving me was giving up her entire working life to raise me. Don’t think, “well, that’s just a luxury” cause fuck you, you don’t know anyones life and how much of a toll that has taken over her over the years.

A couple of years later, my oldest sister passed away and I can’t begin to imagine how it must have felt for my mom not being able to go back to her home country to say her final goodbye to her first born. I wish I could take all of the horrible feelings away that have built up for my mom over the course of her life, but despite all of these things my mother is such a strong woman with a wonderful heart. She just wants to help.

Here we are present day, yesterday morning this very lovely woman reached out to me about my mom and said she is amazing and I said I agreed, and told her that the news had reached out to me. I also told her that I wished my mom would have taken up the interview so people can see how amazing she truly is, because if you have your mom, you know that you view them as this superhero figure. This woman then tells me to cherish my mom because she lost her mom before she gave birth to her son years ago, but she still misses her and thinks about her everyday. I lost my shit, you know? How could you not? Well, I’m also a big fucking cry baby so there’s also that.

However, this is where I get angry and where I want to release this one final time onto the world because I no longer want to carry it in my noggin, but I have to say it.

Yes, my mom is making masks to giveaway because she cares. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my opinions on this though. I love that my mom is doing this because indeed, we are in a very shitty time and people need to be kind to one another. What I don’t love is people like a woman yesterday who pulls up in a luxury car with a luxury wallet and hands me next to nothing for 6 masks. I should have handed her $1 back to her, but I was so taken aback, I couldn’t even gather a thought process. I don’t love people who see that my postings say free, and want to message me asking me for 10-30 masks, to just take and not even contribute anything.  They just want to take advantage. What the actual FUCK is wrong with you?

Have you ever sat at a sewing machine? Have you sewed? Have you attempted to sew? Have you been successful? Have you dedicated your entire day to sew from 8am-8pm because you care that much about people and want to help in the only way you know you can? This shit isn’t easy work so I don’t know where some of you people get off taking advantage of people who are doing good work that isn’t even easy. I guess there’s a hell and a heaven for a reason.

I will say, that there have been more positive responses than negative ones, but negative responses always seem to stick in my head a whole lot more. This was a good ass rant session though and I can feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Shoutout to the amazing people who have donated, whether that was monetary, but also donating fabric, toilet paper, fruit, cards, flowers, food. You guys are amazing for recognizing all the work that goes into this and you guys also have a huge heart for trying to help people during these times.

Shoutout to my friends who picked up the slack of the BMW mask taker, they paid it forward on your behalf since it was so hard for you to just hand me SO MUCH MONEY!

If you’ve gotten a mask from my mom, everyone say thank you, Sonia. 

If you need a mask, hit me up. 

If you’d like to donate my venmo is: isav93 | cash app $ruthv93. and the money is all going straight to a saving’s account I put aside for my mom. 

 

Thanks for reading my rant. Tell me 3 things you love about your mom or the fondest memory you have of her. Remember to wash your hands!

Te quiero mucho mimi!

arrivederci italia

welcome back poopers, late sleepers, bored people of the world. I am sorry to everyone living through this time right now. it’s rough right now, but we will hopefully overcome this soon and correctly. stay safe, don’t wear gloves unless you’re gonna wash your hands every time you touch something. remember to sanitize everything you buy. remember to sanitize your phone too. don’t be touching your face after touching your phone if you haven’t sanitized it yet. sorry, tangent. 

I am here to talk about my least favorite part of the trip i took which was my last day in italy. I am also now sad writing about this because of everything that’s happened there. it’s such a beautiful place with so much culture. sending good thoughts to them because they’re going through hell. again, my bad, tangent.

we began by being the poster children of health and eating at mcdonalds for breakfast. I will say though, the mcdonalds in europe is poppin because they had vegetarian options way before they added impossible burgers here and such. 

our day was going to consist of going to the largo argentina cat sanctuary and finding cats there because that’s where according to google, they all congregate to be superior. we went here and not the vatican? well, we didn’t go to the vatican even though it was close to us because the lines to get in are ridiculous. it’s like waiting for some new disneyland ride. it’s rough out there, but I was told that if you do want to go to the vatican and avoid lines, you should book yourself a tour guide that will help you skip all that mess. 

on our way to the cat sanctuary, I stopped by a gift shop because it was our last day so I needed to buy last minute souvenirs. I found the most amazing tool that I should have brought with me to begin with. a portable fan. it was a game changer while we were walking around. we get to the area. it was cool, but I was interested in the cats that were nowhere to be found. we kept walking, but because of the heat, maria ended up with a headache so we found a nearby park with shade and she knocked out and I woke her up like 30 minutes later so we could go back to our cat search journey. 

it turns out the cat sanctuary we were looking for was where we ended up BUT there were stairs on the opposite sides of where we had arrived. we didn’t see the stairs that take you down so you can go inside and greet the felines of italy. fam, I was so sad I couldn’t take them home. if you know me, I fucking love cats. shoutout to my mifferino.

after spending time at the sanctuary, we decided to finally try pizza in the motherland. fam, that shit is life changing. it is quite the experience of the taste buds. the pizza is thin, so is the crust, they stick it in those wood fired ovens.  does and will not compare to the pizza we have here. chefs kiss. i don’t want to hear any italian pizza slander, if you try to compare american pizza and say it’s superior, that’s like telling me the tacos here are superior from the ones in mexico. gtfo. there’s a pizza place in San Francisco that really reminded me of the pizza I had there, it’s called flour and water so lets all go check it out in a gigantic group date to celebrate when this mess is over.

when we finished our pizza, we went back to our airbnb because it was time to pack. how sad. before i knew it, of course, i was hungry AGAIN. my friend carol had suggested a restaurant for me to check out while I was here, so I asked maria if she wanted to eat there as our final meal in italy. she agreed. i got caprese which is a miracle and i took a picture to show my mom because she knows i hate tomatoes. but not in italy. i loved it! however, the pasta I ordered was so disappointing lmfao. I am an uncultured swine because the man at the restaurant asked me why I didn’t like it and I said because i’m a fat american who loves salt, butter and cheese and that wasn’t salty, buttery, or cheesy enough. he was weird. maria said he was flirting with me but in a weird way. oh yeah, forgive my perveness, but the men of italy could get it.

Italia, ti amo. ci vediamo un giorno.

comment how, where and who you’re quarantined with

international women’s day

welcome back poopers, late night readers of the world or bored folks.

happy international women’s day! this is a shoutout to all my bitches because I was beginning to tweet them, but I type faster than I use my phone so here we are.

number 1: mi madre. who has been my first friend because she gave up working to raise me. who the fuck does that? not many women, i’ll tell you. so shoutout to her for giving up that part of her life to always make sure that I would have everything I needed. everyone says their mother is the strongest person they know, i’ll tell you why mine is that to me. my mom has lived and survived domestic abuse, a war in her home country, and the death of 2 of her children. regardless of all of these obstacles in her life, my mom has kept going and living her life as best and creatively as she can. she loves the garden and it makes sense because she is one of the beautiful birds you find in a garden because she’s always singing. 

my list continues now to my buds, my bitches, my chosen fam. 

phlisha. I met her at work and she scared me because she seemed like a boss. however, one day she wore a real cool jacket and I think I complimented her on it. then the topic of edm came up and I heard her talking about it so I asked her if she wanted to go see kygo with my friends and she agreed LOL. it was the beginning of the work wife ship. it has expanded into a global phenomenon, okay no. but she is so incredibly open minded, sensible, hilarious, not with the bullshit, wise, and loyal. not to mention so incredibly gorgeous.

yessica. my OG. I saw this little human across the room from me at our high school orientation and I wanted to be her friend the moment I saw her. love at first sight, but make it friendship. high school was a weird time, but we overcame the shenanigans due to her incredible sense of openness, understanding, and patience. we then started moving past our teens and had some insane adventures looking back at it. like, who the fuck drives to LA and comes back in one day all to have dinner with some band? lmfao. thank you for looking like a model, but being so humble, smart, funny, creative, loyal and understanding.  

mara. who would have thought that twitter would lead me to meet one of the greatest friends i’d have today? we decided to meet up without taking into consideration the fact that either of us could have been a potential serial killer. then yessica just willingly handed her car over to mara during our first roadtrip. things happen for a reason slskksjsk. you are so funny without even trying, you always have great advice, but are open to hearing all the nonsense to offer 1000% realness. you are my favorite cat lover. eres una pinche chingona que sabe su football. thank you for being so damn gorgeous on the inside as you are on the outside. 

bern.  my first friend my age due to the fact that we’re related. you are so damn smart and caring. thank you for being the prettiest person in my family sksks. you are so talented, like, seriously your collages leave me like that little emoji with the head exploding. you are actually and pretty much my sister. we were just totally separated at birth. you are a bad ass bitch with magnificent taste in music. I can only hope that my aura matches yours someday you sweet creature.

yeli. I am so happy that I met you through the other person. you are a literal angel. I don’t think you realize it because who else tries to see the best in people who are not the best? only an angel, DUH. you are hilarious, you are honest, you are always down for the random shit, you always feed my fat ass even if you don’t have to. you are a bad ass chick. I can’t wait until you become the first computer science engineer to have ever existed in the history of the world.

maria. eres chingona firma aqui. I am very proud of you for going to school to get that degree that you will figure out along the way because you are way smarter than a lot of people. I can’t wait til you’re the first successful mexicana who is married to yoongi. thank you for making my life so damn fun while we were in europe because I don’t know where you come up with half of the shit you say. we will slay all of europe for longer once this blog makes me a millionaire. sigue siendo chingona 

mari.  soulmates are not always romantic and you know this. I think you are my soulmate when it comes to some mind reading shit. you never fail to call me out on my shit. you are so kind and caring despite everything that goes on. in another life we were probably twins because you be knowing too much of the shit that happens in my mind. you are one hell of a bad ass, thank you for being my friend for so long despite all the poop. 

jasmine. an OG ride or die. would I have survived the last 2 years of college? probably not. I have always been jealous of how brilliant you always were in our classes. I always felt DUM>. you have always kept it 101 even if I didn’t want to hear it sometimes because i be sensitive, but you always did it because you had my best interest in mind and I can’t thank you enough for being THAT BITCH. you are going to be the greatest mom of all time to the beautiful peanutrino. he’s going to be so lucky to have a mom who will be caring and can make him good food and desserts. who will show him the ropes of good music. who will dress him in swaggy clothes. who will be a milf. it changed it to milk, so I guess the mom who will also provide him with milk.

sam. damn bitch, we really met at a concert and got married. wild as fuck. concert simps WISH their love story was as beautiful as ours kskskss. dude, you are literal goals. you look young and probably will for the next 70 years. you are smart as hell, for fucks sake, you’re a lawyer. YOU ARE A LAWYER. A WOMAN OF COLOR. making us damn proud. we may not always agree on things, but at least you keep an open mind and offer wisdom that I don’t have. thank you for being you, an amazing, expert of the alcohols, good deals and skin care.

madell. you are a sunflower in human form. you always offer such a gentle but real perspective to things. you are on your way to becoming the next boss ass bitch of making weddings the greatest of all time. you are so considerate, have a good ear for music, and have a great sense of style. thank you for being my friend, but also the chosen little sister I always wanted to have. everyone who knows you is lucky to have you because they know that you are an amazing woman.

esli.  bitch, you’re fucking crazy. I have never met someone so damn direct while also keeping an open mind about different perspectives to make sure that you understand what everyone in a situation involved is going through. you are very loyal, smart, empathetic, and overall a down ass bitch. you could be the ceo of investigative units for sure. 

lanica. you are an incredibly amazing writer. I could only aim to be half of the amazing writer that you are. this also involves a lot of creativity because your mind be on some other wave length. like, what the actual fuck. besides being an incredible writer, you are an incredible woman who is supportive as fuck. thank you for always believing in me even though I don’t believe in myself half of the time. the world needs more women like you who want the success of their friends. 

tina.  we have not known each other very long. but you are a literal sunshine in human form. how the fuck do you do that? the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to be your friend. that sounds creepy. but I loved the stuff you were drawing. then I spoke to you, and who the hell would have thought that someone so damn gorgeous was going to end up being so damn nice as well? you are a bad ass bitch who is talented at the drawing thing. hats off to you for being an amazing creative woman.

katelyn and kimmy. idk why in my mind y’all are just an automatic duo. you bitches is creative as shit in your different spectrums. katelyn, you are a fucking model, like, damn you really be stunting on all of us, but not even in a flashy way. you’re just so genuine which is what makes your beauty from 100 to a million.  I can’t wait til you take over the dental world and business world. take it all. kimmy, you also are so fucking stunning and I want your skin care routine. you are one of the most talented photographers I know and I hope will continue to thrive. you are also super helpful whenever I need your advice. I don’t need to talk to either of you every day to know that you guys are real ass bitches. thank you for being so out of this world.

okay I have the attention span of a fucking fish and also my hands are getting numb. arthritis? carpal tunneL????  to all the beautiful, strong, intelligent, kindhearted, creative women in my life in some way shape or form, I love you guys for being you. we run this world don’t ever forget that we are gonna take over and overthrow these bozo

italia giorno 2

welcome back poopers, late sleepers, bored people of the world. 


buongiorno italia! this was the day we decided to go to the colosseum. not like, inside though because bitches be poor and also it was … okay, I checked and it says 94, but it felt so damn hot. usually, i’m not a fan of the heat, but it actually grew on me :|. 

what I noticed in italy, is that they use trip advisor more than they use yelp, but I guess I managed to find this breakfast place on yelp. i’m a 5 year old, so I think the main selling point was that this place was called Café MéMé maria says the juice there was bomb. I recommend it because it was affordable! 

we continued our journey and this is when we got on public transit. remember to use city mapper when you travel because it gives you the different routes you can take, which lines to take, and which times. it also tells you how much your trip will be. yes, I am a creep, I took a picture. it was just so damn clean! and it didn’t smell like pee or poop, all my bart riders know what that’s like. at some point the screen was playing a video from a runway show? lol

we got to the colosseum and we kept walking and couldn’t figure out where we were trying to go, finally we found this spot and were posers.

according to one of my friend’s who’s identity will remain a undisclosed, powerade was the official drink of france, but I couldn’t find that damn drink to save my life while we were there. this was the one time I desperately wanted powerade because of the heat. we finally found some inside the station, bless up. this is where maria and I split apart. the heat wasn’t treating her too well, but I wanted to explore. so I walked around wherever they had a bunch of shops. 

I started thinking about my mom’s best friend, who was like a second mom to me. may she rest in peace. as I was walking around here, pictured above, I started thinking about how whether or not she had also walked around these places because I remembered she had visited rome years ago when all of a sudden, a butterfly landed on my shoulder and followed me around for a while. I’m not sure if you guys have ever read or heard that butterflies are a sign that people who have passed are still living on. coincidence? i’m not sure. te extranamos mucho, socorro! 

 

after walking around a bunch of stores, the last store I went into had a really nice chick working so I asked her which place she recommended to eat at. she sent me to Il Pastaio di Roma. here’s a shitty pic of my pasta. the portions there are ridiculously small for the fat ass american like myself. because the chick from the store told me this portion was huge and she often had left overs for dinner. however, she didn’t lie about how cheap it was. it was about $5USD. CRAZY! 

I went back to the airbnb to see how maria was doing. she was doing better. she needed rest because the heat, lack of the official drink of france, water, poor diet, really adds up! who would have thought?!

pollo alla cacciatora

yet again, I found a list of restaurants to try in italy and asked maria if she wanted to go try it. she agreed. the name of this bomb ass place is trapizzino testaccio

 

I

caramel stuff with hazelnut stuff with more stuff.

have an eating problem because based on time stamps, from this place, we walked to another place to eat AGAIN. I think my excuse was that I wanted tiramisu and maria is a real one and agreed. that’s when I opened up trip advisor and found this place, La Botticella. on our walk to the restaurant we stopped for gelatto. La Botiticella had a line of people waiting to go in so after half an hour they finally seated us. it was really small inside, and I think someone was having an extramarital date next to us. i’ll never know. I said I was there for tiramisu, but I couldn’t help myself and we ordered pasta. bitch, I cried. that was the best tortellini i’ve had and probably will ever have. I can’t explain it. you have to go try it. the tiramisu was also everything I had hoped and more. I want to start crying right now because I miss the food so much.

with this I say goodnight to italy once again.

see you later for the last day in italy.

buona notte.

are you a tiramisu lover? what’s your favorite pasta?

viva l’Italia!

welcome back poopers, late sleepers, bored people of the world. 

we hopped out the plane in Italy with our dreams and our cardigans.

right off the bat, we flopped. yes we know spanish, no this is not Italian so as similar as the languages are, it’s impossible to get our points across without being fluent in Italian!!! or at least being semi familiar. our struggle began when we tried to catch an uber and it was $80 because as it turns out, I didn’t know that in Italy you can’t just use any type of car to drive uber. you know how here in the u. s of a people can use any type of car as long as it’s over the year 2008 or something along those lines? not there. they must drive luxury cars, etc. hence, why it ended up being an expensive uber ride had we accepted it. we decided to do the totally responsible thing and follow a random man in a suit into his van. it was the cheaper alternative and honestly he was super nice and didn’t end up kidnapping us, whoohoo. make sure that before you book a trip, you look into transportation from the airport to your destination. hotels offer that service, so, just make sure you look.

right off the bat, I was sus of Italy. I didn’t know whether or not if I liked the vibe. sort of the same thing that happened in amsterdam, but that changed once we arrived to our airbnb that we almost didn’t make it to because check in was 6 and we got there at 6:05  😬 luckily the guy was still there to check us in. out of the whole trip, this was the most beautiful, spacious and comfortable place we chose.

 

and of course, right as we got there, I started looking for food on yelp. we were about a 20 minute walk from a street that had a bunch of restaurants. I found this restaurant: https://www.ristorantearlu.it which was 5/5. I ordered a plate with cheese and salame, but what sold me here was when I ordered cheesecake. I 

love cheesecake. cheesecake is my favorite. cheesecake is my life. I FUCKING LOVE CHEESECAKE. i would slap you for cheesecake. 

comment your favorite dessert, are you a cheesecake lover or hater? when they brought me this though. I was like que chingados es esto???? no that is not poop. that is hazelnut praline, next to it strawberries, the cheesecake and on top of the cheesecake is passionfruit, I don’t remember what’s on the side. that cheesecake deserved the world, the moment I bit into it was in a whole other galaxy because it was so smooth so you were just scooping it into your mouth and it melted. I damn near cried. i’m pretty sure I teared up to be honest. 

after dinner we continued to explore and decided that we would walk to the trevi fountain because the weather was starting to cool down since it was about 9pm? on our walk, we had gelatto. I will never forget that gelatto place because the guy working called me poor and told me that perhaps I didn’t have money since my card was declined. but no, I had locked my card because I was in another country and I had forgotten to unlock it. a tip I have for y’all is to use a capital one card while you travel abroad because it doesn’t charge you foreign transaction fees that your debit card does. for example, I have chase so they charged me 3% on all my purchases. so remember to use a credit card OR go to your bank before your trip to get currency for the places you will be traveling to. avoid using your debit card and pulling out money from ATM’s in the place you’re traveling to.

sorry, I get sidetracked easily. we finally arrived at the fountain. also, another tip, keep your stuff very close to you. since this is a prime tourist spot, a lot of pit pocketing happens. someone dead ass opened the small pocket of my backpack. luckily I didn’t have anything in there. just be very mindful of your stuff, if you have no business taking a lot of stuff, do so. just keep the important stuff with you in a fanny pack.  there were a shit ton of people there so it was hard to get pictures, but we did it. we came, we saw, we conquered and decided to walk back. 

buonanotte italia. see you on thursday for the next part of this story!

comment your favorite dessert, are you a cheesecake lover or hater?

 

friend friday?

 

welcome back poopers, readers of the night, etc, etc. you know the drill.

if we are friends in real life, you know that I have a friend or 2. so i’ve decided to begin the friend part of my blog beginning with my friend Jose! aka, Big Diaz! who I never refer to as Jose lmfao. I have known him since 2014 when I was a wee little child interning at a radio station. he has been the homie ever since, more like a brother to be honest. I don’t have siblings in america. someday we’ll get to that, but that day is not today.

my brother here, has always been such a kind soul who thought he’d end up alone, but I always told him this wouldn’t be the case. however, it’s easier said than done because if you’ve attempted to date during these times, you know shit be rough because people are very interesting. back to my story, I knew he wouldn’t end up alone because it is impossible that someone so incredible would end up with no perfect woman. I attempted to help this situation by playing cupid, if you know me, this isn’t news to you. I always try to be cupid because I think love is one of those most beautiful things, yes I am corny. my cupid matchmaking skills didn’t work though and thank God for that because about 2 years ago he found the one and I feel like he knew this immediately. from the beginning I was filled in about all these amazing dates he planned out for them. you know, I still remember one of the first couple of times they hung out and he was so excited to be able to see her and go on a date with her. he even sent her flowers. cries. fast forward towards the end of 2019, and my brother is out here planning to do the damn thing and marry her! gosh, how exciting.  he was just waiting for the right time to do this.

about a month ago, he asked for my help and how could I say no? I had watched this love story unfold from his perspective, that i’m honestly not even doing a good job at writing about but here we are. i’m going to continue rambling. he decided on giving her a book which was really cute because it is an animated book about their love story and at the end of the book, he asks her to marry him. that wouldn’t be all though. of course not. he knew he wanted to take her on a walk before or after dinner which is where I pop into this story. I was in charge of decorating whatever it was I needed to. I decided to go be nosy and go on a tour of places that seemed cute, yeah, yeah I ain’t got no other adjectives, sue me. I looked up places online: Piedmont Park, the Berkeley Rose Garden, and some cute archways. the archways didn’t give me the vibes we were going for so those got chopped. Piedmont Park is so beautiful in my opinion because I don’t know what any of you like, but this place was clean, relaxing, and safe lmfao. there’s another part which is like a trail, but I knew damn well they couldn’t walk around in that shit in the dark because she probably thought he was trying to scare her.  I kept that one on my list. then I went to the berkeley rose garden, which is cute, but there weren’t any roses right now so i’d imagine a good time to go here is during may when the roses are all blooming or whatever. I took videos of both places I thought were promising and we agreed that piedmont park was it. shoutout to him because he actually was willing to go to the place I chose.   

now it was time to pimp out the park by making a list of decorations. he knew he wanted flowers, specifically stargazer lilies because those are her favorite. so we got to it and ordered the stuff we needed and while he took his fiancé to dinner, my best bud and I went to decorate. but bruh, that shit looked scary as fuck at night and then, there it was, a place that was literally lit so we told jose what was up and he was like aight bet, do your thing guys. and we got to it like the minions that we are. after we were done, all we could do was wait, before we knew it, they were there. they did their photoshoot without her knowing what was about to happen. I recorded and watched everything happen behind a bush like i’m fucking joe goldberg. 

it was beautiful to experience the experience in real life, behind the bush. and I cannot wait for the wedding!!!! congratulations, jose and marissa! you guys deserve all the happiness in the world. i told you, that you wouldn’t end up alone! i told you that you would find a beautiful woman, but not just physically, emotionally as well and you can tell marissa is all of that and more.

thank you for letting me help you decorate what you needed for your proposal. hit me up if you want me to help you find a place and decorate your future wife’s proposal or dates if you suck at being romantic and your woman is out here like, bruh wtf.  enjoy these pictures from the proposal that were taken by @justosphotos

au revoir paris

welcome back poopers, sleepers, etc. you know the drill here. these are long posts, bless you if you have the attention span to read such shit. 

we begin with our last full day in paris because I flopped in planning out our stay here. my good bro, jasmine, sent me a list of things to eat while in paris, so for breakfast we decided on a restaurant from that list. 

the breakfast spot is called holy bell and yes, indeed holy heck my belly was content. when we arrived there was a line with about 10 people in front of us. I ordered the food I have provided you a picture of. pancakes with strawberries, peaches, pecans. my other plate has eggs, toast, bacon AND AND!!! THAT’S A FUCKING HASHBROWN L O L. these pancakes were better than any american pancakes I have ever had. like, in comparison american pancakes are trash because these were perfectly fluffy and the fruit on top was so fresh; i’m not usually a fan of whipped cream, but even that was good! 900000000000000000000/10 would recommend.

we began to make our way to explore, our first stop was the notre dame cathedral, but just to spectate from outside. it was still covered up since we were there after the fire. we kept exploring because I had souvenirs I wanted to buy. bruh just enjoy these pics because I am blanking out so hard.

we made our way to the louvre, but we didn’t get tickets since it was sold out for the day so we enjoyed the view from outside. it was a really nice day out in terms of yay no gloom, but holy fuck was it hot. one of the most difficult parts of this trip was the fact that it was over 95° every day and we walked around everywhere. not fun at all. I recommend you buy a portable fan to walk around with to keep yourself fresh. or one of those little spray bottles. well in the event that you visit europe during a heatwave. like, yeah we’re from california, buT FUCK. anyway, before we knew it, I was hungry again. what a surprise.

I chose something from the list my friend had sent me, but I didn’t think to google it or do much research on it. I chose it because it looked cute and it was close by. well, we get there and apparently the name of this place has to do with something about pork. maria is a vegetarian. 😐 I forgot what she ate. probably a leaf. look at the cute thing they gave us with the check though. we hit up some vintage stores while we made our way to keep exploring, they had cool stuff, but nothing that I was completely sold on. after walking around different shops, we took uber back to our hotel because walking around in the heat really just isn’t it.

if you know me personally, you know i’m notorious for going on tinder. I hadn’t used tinder in america in a while, but I used it while I was abroad because I needed suggestions, and I needed to browse eye candy because I’m a fucking perve, okay? I think if I had to rank the thots from highest to lowest in the cities i visited it’d be paris, london, italy, amsterdam and sweden. I matched with a lot of thots in paris, there was this guy who looked like reykon that i was tempted to meet up with but he kept insisting that i met up with him in a secluded ass area, was I really trying to make the plot from taken a reality for myself with a thot? no. no one would give a shit that I went missing because i’m not some little all american blue eyed girl next door. so no thanks i would rather not be part of a sex trafficking scheme where I would never be found.

I decided to go to dinner with maria instead. we had some bomb ass chinese food, but after this I was hungry for snacks and candy that paris had to offer (london has bomb ass kit kats) so we strayed far from our hotel, only to come back and find out that there was a convenience store in front of our hotel the entire time. I asked maria if we could go in because I wanted to check to see if they had more kit kat balls. we walk in and again, if you know me personally, my type is zayn malik, that guy with the big ass ears from the 10 year challege, brown. (hmu if you got any zayn malik/british guy with big ass ears/maluma/ friend lookalikes) there was a cute brown guy working and maria pointed out that he was my type so I walked back in and told him he was cute. 10 minutes later maria sent me back in to buy her chips and I asked him for his instagram but I got it wrong so I had to walk back in AGAIN but he gave me free snacks. he said I could take whatever I wanted including the booze. shoutout to you little french man for providing us snacks for our flight. I hung out with him at his little shop thing til sometime in the morning. I still have him on instagram and I told maria I thought he got married but I guess it was someone’s birthday??? lmfao.

anyway, that was a really uh unexpected way to finish off my last night in paris.

the hotel offered a shuttle service that took us to the airport so that came in handy so that we could be on our way to italy and make our lizzie mcguire dreams a reality. before i left i tried a croissant, those bad boys melt in your mf mouth out there. nothing like this american shit. i packed up some coca colas in my checked in luggage …. i would like to mention i had about 10 in the span of 3 days which is unhealthy because soda is bad for you, but i’m pretty sure maria told me the bottle said to only have 1 a day. i looked up the recipe because i thought i was insane for thinking it tastes different than the shit we have here. and i was right, in france they use the original recipe minus the cocaine. in america we use high-fructose syrup meanwhile they still use sucrose. 

thank you for joining us in paris. I will see y’all in italia