Tag Archives: paris

au revoir paris

welcome back poopers, sleepers, etc. you know the drill here. these are long posts, bless you if you have the attention span to read such shit. 

we begin with our last full day in paris because I flopped in planning out our stay here. my good bro, jasmine, sent me a list of things to eat while in paris, so for breakfast we decided on a restaurant from that list. 

the breakfast spot is called holy bell and yes, indeed holy heck my belly was content. when we arrived there was a line with about 10 people in front of us. I ordered the food I have provided you a picture of. pancakes with strawberries, peaches, pecans. my other plate has eggs, toast, bacon AND AND!!! THAT’S A FUCKING HASHBROWN L O L. these pancakes were better than any american pancakes I have ever had. like, in comparison american pancakes are trash because these were perfectly fluffy and the fruit on top was so fresh; i’m not usually a fan of whipped cream, but even that was good! 900000000000000000000/10 would recommend.

we began to make our way to explore, our first stop was the notre dame cathedral, but just to spectate from outside. it was still covered up since we were there after the fire. we kept exploring because I had souvenirs I wanted to buy. bruh just enjoy these pics because I am blanking out so hard.

we made our way to the louvre, but we didn’t get tickets since it was sold out for the day so we enjoyed the view from outside. it was a really nice day out in terms of yay no gloom, but holy fuck was it hot. one of the most difficult parts of this trip was the fact that it was over 95° every day and we walked around everywhere. not fun at all. I recommend you buy a portable fan to walk around with to keep yourself fresh. or one of those little spray bottles. well in the event that you visit europe during a heatwave. like, yeah we’re from california, buT FUCK. anyway, before we knew it, I was hungry again. what a surprise.

I chose something from the list my friend had sent me, but I didn’t think to google it or do much research on it. I chose it because it looked cute and it was close by. well, we get there and apparently the name of this place has to do with something about pork. maria is a vegetarian. 😐 I forgot what she ate. probably a leaf. look at the cute thing they gave us with the check though. we hit up some vintage stores while we made our way to keep exploring, they had cool stuff, but nothing that I was completely sold on. after walking around different shops, we took uber back to our hotel because walking around in the heat really just isn’t it.

if you know me personally, you know i’m notorious for going on tinder. I hadn’t used tinder in america in a while, but I used it while I was abroad because I needed suggestions, and I needed to browse eye candy because I’m a fucking perve, okay? I think if I had to rank the thots from highest to lowest in the cities i visited it’d be paris, london, italy, amsterdam and sweden. I matched with a lot of thots in paris, there was this guy who looked like reykon that i was tempted to meet up with but he kept insisting that i met up with him in a secluded ass area, was I really trying to make the plot from taken a reality for myself with a thot? no. no one would give a shit that I went missing because i’m not some little all american blue eyed girl next door. so no thanks i would rather not be part of a sex trafficking scheme where I would never be found.

I decided to go to dinner with maria instead. we had some bomb ass chinese food, but after this I was hungry for snacks and candy that paris had to offer (london has bomb ass kit kats) so we strayed far from our hotel, only to come back and find out that there was a convenience store in front of our hotel the entire time. I asked maria if we could go in because I wanted to check to see if they had more kit kat balls. we walk in and again, if you know me personally, my type is zayn malik, that guy with the big ass ears from the 10 year challege, brown. (hmu if you got any zayn malik/british guy with big ass ears/maluma/ friend lookalikes) there was a cute brown guy working and maria pointed out that he was my type so I walked back in and told him he was cute. 10 minutes later maria sent me back in to buy her chips and I asked him for his instagram but I got it wrong so I had to walk back in AGAIN but he gave me free snacks. he said I could take whatever I wanted including the booze. shoutout to you little french man for providing us snacks for our flight. I hung out with him at his little shop thing til sometime in the morning. I still have him on instagram and I told maria I thought he got married but I guess it was someone’s birthday??? lmfao.

anyway, that was a really uh unexpected way to finish off my last night in paris.

the hotel offered a shuttle service that took us to the airport so that came in handy so that we could be on our way to italy and make our lizzie mcguire dreams a reality. before i left i tried a croissant, those bad boys melt in your mf mouth out there. nothing like this american shit. i packed up some coca colas in my checked in luggage …. i would like to mention i had about 10 in the span of 3 days which is unhealthy because soda is bad for you, but i’m pretty sure maria told me the bottle said to only have 1 a day. i looked up the recipe because i thought i was insane for thinking it tastes different than the shit we have here. and i was right, in france they use the original recipe minus the cocaine. in america we use high-fructose syrup meanwhile they still use sucrose. 

thank you for joining us in paris. I will see y’all in italia 

paris 2019

welcome back, read this during your pooping time, break, before bed, you know the drill.

I shit you not, when I was booking my flight to paris this is what was going on in my head

 

there will be no pictures in this post except for memes because, well, this is a shit show. when is my life not a shit show?

let’s begin.

3 people were originally supposed to go on this trip; maria, myself and someone who will not be named since we are no longer friends. this person, had to back down on the trip which left me and maria.

maria had actually been to paris before so I had asked her for recommendations on places to stay that weren’t sketchy. not to sound like a negative nancy, but you always have to be aware of which places are safe, blah, yadayada. she had sent me some, but nothing was confirmed. if you know maria, you know that this woman is impossible to get a hold of over text.

I was in charge of finding our flights, airbnb’s and scheduling which dates we’d be in what cities. the reason we were able to take this trip is because we were ballin’ on a budget, that’s why our trip was short when it came to being in each city. it was like a preview tour, I guess, so we could see what we liked and come back in the future for a longer period of time. ANYWAY, when maria didn’t answer us about places, and the other person backed down, I panicked. what do I do when I panic? book the shittiest hotels apparently. 

our flight to paris from amsterdam was late, but we got there safely, thankfully. if you’ve read my first amsterdam post (if you haven’t go do it!) I mentioned a heat wave. bitch, we’re from the bay area, we’re dead after 75°F so let me tell you the fucking disbelief I was when we get to paris and it was still over 100°F. I don’t know why i expected the heat to magically disappear seeing as it was a heat wave in europe.

moving along, we arrive and I order an uber, but it took forever to find where we were going to go order said uber because that airport is a hot ass mess. it’s worse when you’re a dumbass american going into a country where you don’t know the language! totally would go back in time and learn some basic french to save my life because I had a difficult time asking for help. finally, after 25 minutes I find where we are going to catch our uber and that was a mess. imagine bay area traffic but in the world’s smallest parking lot. our uber arrives and swoon, bitch, i was dead. infinity out of/5 uber stars for that handsome french man.

paris was the only place I didn’t use airbnb. paris was also the place where I was completely clueless because it was hard to find places based on what maria had told me. desperate times, call for desperate measures. I downloaded okcupid and decided to ask these hoes where were some safe areas. I gathered info, went onto hotels.com, (shoutout to them) and found a super cheap place. it was hard to pass since i’m the type of person who says I just need a bed to sleep on, and a shower since i’ll be gone all day exploring. 

H A H A  HA  HA  AHHA AHAH.BITCH YOU THOUGHT!

so we get there, and this place has some… character. for starters, we check in, and we had to put our luggage into the elevator by itself because it didn’t fit us with our luggage. we get to our room. y’all remember that heat wave?Image result for sweating meme

well, this place didn’t have an ac. this place had no pillows. the bathroom door didn’t close. our luggage had to be arranged at a certain angle in order for us to fit inside the room WITH our luggage. a MESS. it was a MESS. it was cheap, but I saw at what cost! I want to say I only lasted about 15 minutes before I desperately looked for wifi because I needed to get us the fuck out of there. and glory be to God because I found us a new hotel that I thoroughly inspected in photos this time but was also super affordable that we could check into the next morning. shoutout hotels.com. y’all a real one.

until next time. let me know in the comments if you suck at texting back.