welcome back poopers, late night readers of the world or bored folks.
happy international women’s day! this is a shoutout to all my bitches because I was beginning to tweet them, but I type faster than I use my phone so here we are.
number 1: mi madre. who has been my first friend because she gave up working to raise me. who the fuck does that? not many women, i’ll tell you. so shoutout to her for giving up that part of her life to always make sure that I would have everything I needed. everyone says their mother is the strongest person they know, i’ll tell you why mine is that to me. my mom has lived and survived domestic abuse, a war in her home country, and the death of 2 of her children. regardless of all of these obstacles in her life, my mom has kept going and living her life as best and creatively as she can. she loves the garden and it makes sense because she is one of the beautiful birds you find in a garden because she’s always singing.
my list continues now to my buds, my bitches, my chosen fam.
phlisha. I met her at work and she scared me because she seemed like a boss. however, one day she wore a real cool jacket and I think I complimented her on it. then the topic of edm came up and I heard her talking about it so I asked her if she wanted to go see kygo with my friends and she agreed LOL. it was the beginning of the work wife ship. it has expanded into a global phenomenon, okay no. but she is so incredibly open minded, sensible, hilarious, not with the bullshit, wise, and loyal. not to mention so incredibly gorgeous.
yessica. my OG. I saw this little human across the room from me at our high school orientation and I wanted to be her friend the moment I saw her. love at first sight, but make it friendship. high school was a weird time, but we overcame the shenanigans due to her incredible sense of openness, understanding, and patience. we then started moving past our teens and had some insane adventures looking back at it. like, who the fuck drives to LA and comes back in one day all to have dinner with some band? lmfao. thank you for looking like a model, but being so humble, smart, funny, creative, loyal and understanding.
mara. who would have thought that twitter would lead me to meet one of the greatest friends i’d have today? we decided to meet up without taking into consideration the fact that either of us could have been a potential serial killer. then yessica just willingly handed her car over to mara during our first roadtrip. things happen for a reason slskksjsk. you are so funny without even trying, you always have great advice, but are open to hearing all the nonsense to offer 1000% realness. you are my favorite cat lover. eres una pinche chingona que sabe su football. thank you for being so damn gorgeous on the inside as you are on the outside.
bern. my first friend my age due to the fact that we’re related. you are so damn smart and caring. thank you for being the prettiest person in my family sksks. you are so talented, like, seriously your collages leave me like that little emoji with the head exploding. you are actually and pretty much my sister. we were just totally separated at birth. you are a bad ass bitch with magnificent taste in music. I can only hope that my aura matches yours someday you sweet creature.
yeli. I am so happy that I met you through the other person. you are a literal angel. I don’t think you realize it because who else tries to see the best in people who are not the best? only an angel, DUH. you are hilarious, you are honest, you are always down for the random shit, you always feed my fat ass even if you don’t have to. you are a bad ass chick. I can’t wait until you become the first computer science engineer to have ever existed in the history of the world.
maria. eres chingona firma aqui. I am very proud of you for going to school to get that degree that you will figure out along the way because you are way smarter than a lot of people. I can’t wait til you’re the first successful mexicana who is married to yoongi. thank you for making my life so damn fun while we were in europe because I don’t know where you come up with half of the shit you say. we will slay all of europe for longer once this blog makes me a millionaire. sigue siendo chingona
mari. soulmates are not always romantic and you know this. I think you are my soulmate when it comes to some mind reading shit. you never fail to call me out on my shit. you are so kind and caring despite everything that goes on. in another life we were probably twins because you be knowing too much of the shit that happens in my mind. you are one hell of a bad ass, thank you for being my friend for so long despite all the poop.
jasmine. an OG ride or die. would I have survived the last 2 years of college? probably not. I have always been jealous of how brilliant you always were in our classes. I always felt DUM>. you have always kept it 101 even if I didn’t want to hear it sometimes because i be sensitive, but you always did it because you had my best interest in mind and I can’t thank you enough for being THAT BITCH. you are going to be the greatest mom of all time to the beautiful peanutrino. he’s going to be so lucky to have a mom who will be caring and can make him good food and desserts. who will show him the ropes of good music. who will dress him in swaggy clothes. who will be a milf. it changed it to milk, so I guess the mom who will also provide him with milk.
sam. damn bitch, we really met at a concert and got married. wild as fuck. concert simps WISH their love story was as beautiful as ours kskskss. dude, you are literal goals. you look young and probably will for the next 70 years. you are smart as hell, for fucks sake, you’re a lawyer. YOU ARE A LAWYER. A WOMAN OF COLOR. making us damn proud. we may not always agree on things, but at least you keep an open mind and offer wisdom that I don’t have. thank you for being you, an amazing, expert of the alcohols, good deals and skin care.
madell. you are a sunflower in human form. you always offer such a gentle but real perspective to things. you are on your way to becoming the next boss ass bitch of making weddings the greatest of all time. you are so considerate, have a good ear for music, and have a great sense of style. thank you for being my friend, but also the chosen little sister I always wanted to have. everyone who knows you is lucky to have you because they know that you are an amazing woman.
esli. bitch, you’re fucking crazy. I have never met someone so damn direct while also keeping an open mind about different perspectives to make sure that you understand what everyone in a situation involved is going through. you are very loyal, smart, empathetic, and overall a down ass bitch. you could be the ceo of investigative units for sure.
lanica. you are an incredibly amazing writer. I could only aim to be half of the amazing writer that you are. this also involves a lot of creativity because your mind be on some other wave length. like, what the actual fuck. besides being an incredible writer, you are an incredible woman who is supportive as fuck. thank you for always believing in me even though I don’t believe in myself half of the time. the world needs more women like you who want the success of their friends.
tina. we have not known each other very long. but you are a literal sunshine in human form. how the fuck do you do that? the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to be your friend. that sounds creepy. but I loved the stuff you were drawing. then I spoke to you, and who the hell would have thought that someone so damn gorgeous was going to end up being so damn nice as well? you are a bad ass bitch who is talented at the drawing thing. hats off to you for being an amazing creative woman.
katelyn and kimmy. idk why in my mind y’all are just an automatic duo. you bitches is creative as shit in your different spectrums. katelyn, you are a fucking model, like, damn you really be stunting on all of us, but not even in a flashy way. you’re just so genuine which is what makes your beauty from 100 to a million. I can’t wait til you take over the dental world and business world. take it all. kimmy, you also are so fucking stunning and I want your skin care routine. you are one of the most talented photographers I know and I hope will continue to thrive. you are also super helpful whenever I need your advice. I don’t need to talk to either of you every day to know that you guys are real ass bitches. thank you for being so out of this world.
okay I have the attention span of a fucking fish and also my hands are getting numb. arthritis? carpal tunneL???? to all the beautiful, strong, intelligent, kindhearted, creative women in my life in some way shape or form, I love you guys for being you. we run this world don’t ever forget that we are gonna take over and overthrow these bozo