paris 2019

welcome back, read this during your pooping time, break, before bed, you know the drill.

I shit you not, when I was booking my flight to paris this is what was going on in my head

there will be no pictures in this post except for memes because, well, this is a shit show. when is my life not a shit show?

let’s begin.

3 people were originally supposed to go on this trip; maria, myself and someone who will not be named since we are no longer friends. this person, had to back down on the trip which left me and maria.

maria had actually been to paris before so I had asked her for recommendations on places to stay that weren’t sketchy. not to sound like a negative nancy, but you always have to be aware of which places are safe, blah, yadayada. she had sent me some, but nothing was confirmed. if you know maria, you know that this woman is impossible to get a hold of over text.

I was in charge of finding our flights, airbnb’s and scheduling which dates we’d be in what cities. the reason we were able to take this trip is because we were ballin’ on a budget, that’s why our trip was short when it came to being in each city. it was like a preview tour, I guess, so we could see what we liked and come back in the future for a longer period of time. ANYWAY, when maria didn’t answer us about places, and the other person backed down, I panicked. what do I do when I panic? book the shittiest hotels apparently. 

our flight to paris from amsterdam was late, but we got there safely, thankfully. if you’ve read my first amsterdam post (if you haven’t go do it!) I mentioned a heat wave. bitch, we’re from the bay area, we’re dead after 75°F so let me tell you the fucking disbelief I was when we get to paris and it was still over 100°F. I don’t know why i expected the heat to magically disappear seeing as it was a heat wave in europe.

moving along, we arrive and I order an uber, but it took forever to find where we were going to go order said uber because that airport is a hot ass mess. it’s worse when you’re a dumbass american going into a country where you don’t know the language! totally would go back in time and learn some basic french to save my life because I had a difficult time asking for help. finally, after 25 minutes I find where we are going to catch our uber and that was a mess. imagine bay area traffic but in the world’s smallest parking lot. our uber arrives and swoon, bitch, i was dead. infinity out of/5 uber stars for that handsome french man.

paris was the only place I didn’t use airbnb. paris was also the place where I was completely clueless because it was hard to find places based on what maria had told me. desperate times, call for desperate measures. I downloaded okcupid and decided to ask these hoes where were some safe areas. I gathered info, went onto hotels.com, (shoutout to them) and found a super cheap place. it was hard to pass since i’m the type of person who says I just need a bed to sleep on, and a shower since i’ll be gone all day exploring. 

H A H A  HA  HA  AHHA AHAH.BITCH YOU THOUGHT!

so we get there, and this place has some… character. for starters, we check in, and we had to put our luggage into the elevator by itself because it didn’t fit us with our luggage. we get to our room. y’all remember that heat wave?

well, this place didn’t have an ac. this place had no pillows. the bathroom door didn’t close. our luggage had to be arranged at a certain angle in order for us to fit inside the room WITH our luggage. a MESS. it was a MESS. it was cheap, but I saw at what cost! I want to say I only lasted about 15 minutes before I desperately looked for wifi because I needed to get us the fuck out of there. and glory be to God because I found us a new hotel that I thoroughly inspected in photos this time but was also super affordable that we could check into the next morning. shoutout hotels.com. y’all a real one.

until next time. let me know in the comments if you suck at texting back.