hello, y’all. how has quarantine been treating you?
my letter begins with how two months ago, we took my mom to the ER to make sure she was fine because she experienced something terrifying in terms of her health — no, it was not coronavirus. thankfully, it was nothing serious health wise, but witnessing what she experienced was eye opening? since that day, I saw why my mom’s faith in God is strong and why she’s always told me to follow the same footsteps. actually literally anyone she comes into contact with, she will always talk to you about God, ask anyone who’s come into contact with her.
if you know me, you know that I have always believed in God. I can never deny his existence in my life because to you, it might just be coincidence, luck, whatever you want to call it, but for me, I’ve known there was always more to that. however, I had never really cared enough to dig more into it.
as you all have seen i’d party until I was black out drunk, cussed, smoked, stole things, talked bad about everyone, whatever you can think of when you judge people and say, “well I thought you believed in God/ thought you were christian, why are you doing x,y, and z” I did all dem things. tbh just look at my travel posts, you see what I mean. all I was missing in the list of sins you can think of, is murder, tbh. and to clarify, I still sin. we’re all sinners. “if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8) no one is perfect, except God.
after what happened to my mom, I decided it was time that I dug more into the bible. i’m still learning, but it’s opened my eyes a lot. however, I notice that a lot of you have taken it upon yourselves to say, “oh… you’re into this now…”,“you’re one of those now?”, or “you’re changing”. which is what i’m here to address, you are correct.
I am changing. that’s the point. I don’t want to keep living this life where i’m not happy? I was never happy when I was blacked out on the side of a venue puking because I drank that much. I was never happy whenever i took things I wasn’t supposed to. I sure wasn’t happy when I was getting into messes with guys who could care less about anyone, but themselves. didn’t really find true happiness in any of these things. even if I looked like I was having the time of my life, none of these things have ever made me happy.
the reason I am writing this letter is so you guys understand that while I have changed and will continue to change certain aspects of my life, I want you to remember that I still love you guys lots because you are my peeps and that is why I talk to you guys about God, Jesus, repenting, etc. It will never come from a place of judgement because I am just as bad as anyone else. we’re all sinners. chicken dinner. no one is perfect. any sin is just as bad as the next so no, I don’t hate any of you for getting drunk, smoking, stealing, etc. I just don’t support any of these sins. I respect you if you want to keep doing these things because hello, that’s what free will is for. but just know, I am also here still praying for you because I want what’s best for you which is you to be in heaven big chillin.
the way I view sins and I might be wrong, but this is my thought process. if someone had a list of things that pissed you off, like you absolutely HATED and then your friends and family made you do them constantly, you’d probably be like???? hello? excuse me? what? uh, make it stop??
the biggest thing i’ve learned and am still learning is that Jesus is love. yeah, corny, straight out of one of those karen walls, right? it’s true though. he loves us so much he’s willing to forgive us if we repent. so who am I to hate someone, judge them, talk down at them? if he can turn a complete monster of a person, into the most loving person. nothing is impossible.
I have also come to terms with the fact that I will lose friendships and family because I don’t have the same views I did a month ago, a year ago, etc. While i’ll be sad because I am human after all, I understand that people can’t always see eye to eye. sometimes some people think people who believe in God say things to you out of being malicious, hateful but that’s far from the truth. at least, I don’t want to be a person who does that. I will always wish, hope and pray for whatever is best for you.
I love you lots tater tots. stay safe. wear masks.
may God bless you all.
if you need a prayer, let me know so I can put it on a sticky note cause i am totes professional.